“ When I fall in love, it will be forever ”

……is what Nat King Cole sang

How romantic and beautiful.

I’ve spent more than half my life chasing this kind of love.

A love that sees me as who I am.

Celebrates me for who I am.

Loves me inspite of my flaws and imperfections.

Looks at me when I am my ugliest.

Holds me when I am at my worst.

A love that doesn’t see me as broken.

A love that doesn’t try to fix me.

In truth, I have been chasing a love that defines and validates me

I’ve never really known who I am because all my life, who I am has always depended on who I’m with. Some say this is a wonderful quality - to be chameleon like, blending into your surroundings. For me it was more like fitting in, searching for approval and love even if it meant abandoning my truth.

But how could anyone abandon their truth if they don’t know what truth is ?

When I discovered Human Design and started my process of deconditioning nearly 5 years ago, in 2018 I learned about my undefined G-centre. It made me feel so seen. In fact it was incredibly empowering. Something I was not consciously aware of, was brought into the light. And even though it made me feel extremely vulnerable, it made so much sense to me. When something makes sense, when its reality resonates through every cell in your body, vulnerability feels victorious.

Where there’s awareness, there’s opportunity for Conscious Choice

The G centre is the hub for relationship (love), purpose, direction and sense of “self” or the Seat of the Soul. It’s like the central magnet within us all that draws towards you all that is meant for you and repels all that isn’t. When you live in alignment to your Human Design Strategy and Authority you will experience the bliss of Oneness without looking for love outside yourself (without a need / attachment to external validation)

When your G centre is defined this suggests you have a fixed and reliable identity.

When your G Centre is Undefined as mine is, where I am and who I am with has direct impact on my identity. To safe guard I am in the “right” place, loving places, places that align with my purpose, I MUST FOLLOW MY STRATEGY & AUTHORITY. In only 5 years of putting this into practice and “failing” I finally FEEL (not think) I am in the right place and I KNOW who I am.

I am no one and everyone, because I get to choose in every moment who I am.

Being this Chameleon now feels empowering. I am a shape shifter adn will do so to benefit ME above all else by being in full surrender and flow.

This has been the incredible journey love has taken me on for the last 41 years. It’s an important time for me to process this as I jump into a new loving relationship. This version of Sa so desires to reflect on life from the roof of my house (Conscious 6th line in Human Design for the HD geeks out there). I want to explore the trials & tribulations I’ve chosen in different chapters of my life.

I’ve loved and lost countless times. Loss feeling similar yet different each time in a different decade and cycle of life. The most extreme version of loss being death. This being the catalyst for my transition into a more conscious way of living. The biggest catalyst for my healing journey.

Let’s begin at the end, for now

I love how my new adventure in love is what has brought me to this moment with you as I write this. The me-est version of me, comfortable being uncomfortable, aware of labels and limits, throwing caution in the wind with awareness and basically living the way I’ve always lived with a renewed energy.

A profound sense of self that is in and of itself self-less; fluid and part of a greater whole, steeped in blind faith and sweet surrender (at least for now because we all know how life loves to throw us curve balls when we least expect it!) For the first time though, I’m going to throw conscious expectation to the wind and make a divine offering of unconscious expecatation to the powers that Be.

Because that’s what love would do

Love doesn’t judge. And if it did, it would claim it, then let it go

Love flows

Love is an action

Nearly a year ago I started praying :

“I am ready for love. A love like I’ve never had before because I was not ready to receive it.

I am ready for it now.

I’m afraid to receive it.

I know above all else when it comes, I will handle love with care, because I have learned to see that it is hard for me to see myself so I must be conscious of the peoplpe I choose to be around me, the environments I choose to frequent and I must curate an intentional lifestyle.

If commit to this I know I will magnetise an aligned love that will also stretch me to practice and embody everything I’ve learnt.”

I prayed daily. Consciously, in my dream states and in between.

I wondered when it would arrive.

I doubted.

I asked questions. When? How?

I prayed.

Until prayer became a part of me

And then love arrived.

Out of nowhere and ever since it has been everywhere

I’m dizzy, giggly, inspired and more alive than I’ve ever felt before,

I wanted to run. I labeled it wrong, dishonest, inappropriate, and impossible.

I remembered I prayed for this and now it had come I was even more afraid and confused,

Then I asked : “ What would love do?

Love does not label.

Love does not limit.

Love doesn’t run or chase.

Love is present.

Love is love.

So what would love do? “Love would love”

"OMG I can’t believe this!"

This is a journey to be cherished, to be celebrated and to be shared. So here we are now as I’m about to pack up my things to go see her. She traveled halfway across the world to see me so it’s time I went to be with her.

Until nexy week my loves, I leave you with this… when life or love is confusing, just ask yourself this :