What Family Constellations taught me about family dynamics beyond what the eye can see

So much of who I am, is informed by where I am in my family. And what I mean by that is, I'm the youngest in my family. So my identity is built around the not just being the third child, but being the youngest of three children, the sister of a brother and a sister of a sister, building identity in relation to my environment and my family dynamics.

The way that my parents view who I am is in relation to who they are, but also in comparison to their other two children. I believe that when we can create more of an awareness of the conditioning that comes with our placement within a family, dynamic within a family system, we get to learn a little bit more about who we are not.

The identity that's created for us based on our environment isn't necessarily who we are. It's just what the environment has created for ourselves so when we discover who we're not we get a clearer picture of who we are. Or at least we can create the safe space for us to show up in life and the expression of who we are.

Rather than being seen as being a rebel in the family because in relation to my other two siblings or in relation to the way that my parents lived, I am less obedient and less compliant. In that dynamic, I'm seen as a rebel, but outside that dynamic, who am I really is I'm creative, I'm adventurous. I'm curious. I’m explorative around not fitting into boxes and societal norms that are created for me in the world. That's who I am. I'm not just a rebel. I'm all of these other energies.

There is a therapeutic approach that helps individuals gain insight into the hidden dynamics and unresolved issues within within your families known as Family Constellations. It teaches us that there are these hidden, often unconscious dynamics within our families that influence our behaviors and our beliefs and emotions.

Family Constellations helps us understand family dynamics in a way that goes deeper than what we can see on the surface. It shows us that there are hidden things our families that affect us even when we don't realise it.

Our Family Constellations teaches us that our families have their own rules and patterns and sometimes things in the past, like traumatic experiences and events and unresolved issues situations can still impact us today, even if we don't even know about, I mean, how mind blowing is that?

These hidden influences can show up as repeated problems. or emotional struggles in our lives today. The cool thing about Family Constellations is that it shows us how everything in our family is connected. We can be oblivious to the fact that we're carrying these feelings or burdens of our ancestors, our parents, our grandparents and beyond.

By understanding these hidden dynamics we can heal and make our families healthier and happier.

In summary, Family Constellations is basically about figuring out the hidden stuff in our families. Using that knowledge to improve our lives, improve our emotional wellbeing, improve the quality of the way that we interact with each other and life itself. It helps us to see the bigger picture and understand why things may be the way they are.

Pretty, pretty fascinating stuff.

It was developed by Bert Hellinger, who is a German psychotherapist, and it's based on the understanding that family systems operate on certain principles and that disruptions within the system can lead to challenges in our lives.

I'm deep in training with Family Constellations, learning how to incorporate this in my coaching but actually more than anything learning to incorporate this in my own life so that I can remove resolve and heal any invisible blocks that I only have in my life because of entanglements in my family system that have nothing to do with me.

I'm halfway through my training and it has already had such a massive impact on the trajectory of my life in a very, very short space of time. The impact of this is fast, it doesn't know a linear timeline, it only knows the now.

Being the youngest child in my family has uncovered many hidden secrets and given me the opportunity to understand why things are the way they are, from the perspective of the youngest child.

How much of your identity is based around your family system and family dynamics?

Imagine the layers to see; where you are in your family, what number child you are, the quality of your relationships with your siblings, the way your parents view you and the way your parents are passing on to you. It all affects the quality of life that you live in today.

Having this awareness there is a therapeutic practice that can help you access this and clear whatever is not within your direct line of responsibility is nothing short of transformational.

Thanks for being here with me as I go deeper and deeper into my own personal journey so that you get an insight as to why I'm so passionate about this not just for myself, but to support others too.

We are more than deserving of a life that is full and thriving and abundant in love, peace and harmony.

Our parents did the best they can with what they knew and didn’t know.

Once we know though, we have an opportunity to heal and grow. We cannot undo what our parents did. We can however acknowledge and take conscious steps to move forward by reparenting ourselves.

Head on over to listen to how my Mum navigated raising me in a different time to her other children and the impact it had on her as a parent plus the awareness she has today retrospectively, with some sound advice for us all.

Warm love always,

Melissa xxx