What No one tells you about confidently being Authentic
A quote that changed my life
“I am not who you think I am. You are who you think I am”
I’ve struggled with fitting in my whole life.
From my earliest memories of being an outgoing, vocal, precocious little girl who was comfortable wearing the clothes boys wore and hated the frilly dresses that she had to wear when the occasion demanded.
What occasion? Surely dressing is about self expression?
Surely we’re meant to show up in the world without thought or preparation; instead with freedom and the natural flair we are born with
My early school years were spent straddled between the UK and Malaysia, making the long haul journey between the Asian and European continents every 6 months with my Mum. After Dad had completed his posting in the UK with Shell (for whom he was working), my big sis and bro who were at the latter end of their secondary education remained there which meant mum traveled back and forth for awhile with me in tow.
What an absolute treat! I had two homes, two schools, two sets of friends and with it two lives. At the time I had no awareness of the impact this would have on me alongside living in two different cultures and belief systems.
Blending and belonging are two practices that seem mutually exclusive to each other because one certainly doesn’t imply the other. Although I blended well in order to acquire that sense of belonging with my friends of different worlds, it also required me to abandon parts of myself in order to fit in.
I was the tom boy, accepted by the boys, almost like a boy who played footie with them in the playground at the local comprehensive (government funded) school in the UK. We played rough.
We climbed trees. We painted our faces and got our hands dirty at the after school club with Byron the club leader. We walked to the local sweet shop and whilst my friends made their £1 note go a long way with the sweets they bought, this foreigner (yes, me) had a £5 note to splash out on rich pickings of sweet delights for her adult siblings at home. I felt both embarrassed and proud at the same time. I wanted so much to fit in but sometimes it was just impossible.
Did they love me less for it? No - if my memory serves me well, it made no difference to the way I thought they treated me
In Malaysia I was in a private school dressed pristinely in my pressed uniform with my orderly school bag in hand, chauffeur driven to school every morning as my beloved Father dropped me off on his way to work. I came to school with stories of my adventures in the UK and I embodied what life gave me through those experiences. Sometimes I felt shame for sharing the simplicity of my life in the UK. In Malaysia at the time it was all about where we went for school holidays, who had the bigger houses and cars and which friends made you popular. It made me very different from the others. I felt different.
So that’s the thing - we are born different and then life brings layers and colours of unique experiences that add and enrich our lives.
It is only our minds that tell us we don’t fit in.
This is anchored by the belief systems we are brought up in and surrounded by.
Our bodies listen to everything our mind tells us. But how much do we listen to our bodies?
Looking back I know when I lived without thinking, I felt good in my body. It was only when I interpreted how people behaved and spoke to me that I started to feel different. I was projecting my insecurities onto others.
If I leave interpretation at the door, people’s opinions of me really are just that - THEIR projections of who they are and are not, in relation to me.
It’s never really about me
“I am not who you think I am. You are who you think I am”
Confidence and Authenticity go hand in hand.
Just show up in life in the way that feels good in your body. This is all that matters. Everything else is simply white noise
Stay fearlessly curious
Warm love always,
Sa xxx