Mum’s the Word - From Parent to Person: How Getting to Know my Mum changed my Life 💓
Mum and me in 1978, New York City, USA
Mum’s the word is a British expression that suggests that certain information is best kept a secret. My mum is no longer my best kept secret. She is unashamedly my best friend who I want to share with the world
During the months of lockdown in 2020 I got to spend a lot of time with my mum. She is my biggest cheerleader and critic. I made a conscious effort to get to know her as Patricia, Pat and even as “Baby” because guess what that’s the name she was given on her birth certificate! So on all legal documents here in Malaysia, including her passport her given name is “Baby”. She breaks the ice with every immigration officer she meets on her travels with the statement, “Guaranteed, I am the oldest Baby you’ll ever meet! ”
In those endless months of lockdown, I also got to know her as a daughter and granddaughter. As a sister with 3 siblings, as a student, as a wife and as a friend.
My whole life she was "just" Mum. I discovered so much about her I had no idea about. Building trust and confidence in her by being the listener revealed many life stories (secrets) loaded with wisdom that she had never shared with anyone else. Experiences that showed her courage, her resilience, her fierce integrity, her pain and struggles.
She's far from "just Mum" now.
If you're blessed like me to still have your Mum around, please start spending a little time to get to know her as a person.
If your parent has passed, ask their friends and social circle.
If you have chosen not to have a relationship with your parents, I honour your boundaries. You can instead practice this journey of curiosity with other family members & friends.
It's easy to lose and limit ourselves within the identities we create.
My biggest discovery was learning that I have the privilege of realising many of the dreams my mum was unable to live for herself. What a gift 💝
Be curious - ask, listen, lean-in and learn. Be ready to be surprised. You're never too old to learn something new.
I'm turning 49 in 2 days and Mum's 85. I will celebrate her as I do every year with a gift to honour the day she brought me into this world. I pray we continue to find giggles and laughter in the surprises we discover through our curious adventures together.
Mum is my featured guest for May on the #fearlesslycuriouspodcast which means I’ll be chatting with her every week in May on different topics. Head on over to my podcast page for all relevant links to podcast streaming platforms for your ease. Subscribe so as not to miss any episode. You’ll find on the same page transcripts to all previous episodes. In the first episode she shares what it’s like to grow old gracefully as an Octogenarian. I hope you’ll join us and leave your comments and questions for her to respond to.
Warm love always,
Melissa xxx