EP.25 - Finding Harmony: The Art of Work-Life Integration
SHOW NOTES:
In a world that demands constant productivity, it's easy to be overwhelmed.
Oftentimes you feel like your work and personal life is constantly in conflict.
What if you could achieve greater fulfilment and harmony by focusing on integration instead of balance?
The key is to blend both aspects of your life in a way that allows you to put effort into a full cup instead of constantly drawing from an empty one.
I want to share with you my journey of stepping out of my comfort zone, challenging the status quo, and setting boundaries to achieve my goals to live a more satisfying life.
I’m here to guide you to unlock the power of work-life integration and start creating the life you've always wanted.
Here are the key takeaways from this episode:
03:52 - Being balanced represents stillness. How can you progress whilst being still.
04:24 - Work-life integration is more realistic.
05:26 - Looking at work life integration means being aware of what is needed in the moment.
08:45 - You're not doing the work. You are allowing the work to be done for you
11:53 - Integration means being embodied and knowing what your needs are.
15:34 - You need to value yourself in order for others to value you.
18:07 - Be willing to speak your truth so that the right opportunities come to you.
19:23 - This is not about you fitting in, this is about you living your purpose of being you because there is no one else in the world like you.
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I help you lead with fearless authenticity by smashing the self-imposed heteronormative stereotypes that keep you playing small through emotional healing inner child and inherited intergenerational trauma. Create a purposeful life of your unique design by disrupting societal norms and expectations of who you should be. Explore mindfulness, fearless curiosity and loving kindness through the lens of Human Design to thrive as the person you are born to be.
Learn more about my coaching method and join my emotional healing, mindfulness, and music community at melissaindot.com.
TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] So work life balance versus work life integration. When I'm looking for balance, I'm looking for stillness in a loop that is constantly moving. And so there's the conflict right there. But if I shift and I look for work life integration, then I'm embodied, then I'm constantly aware and connected to how I can make things work for me and how I can live my life in a way where when I'm efforting in something, I'm putting the effort in and drawing from a full cup, a cup that is constantly being replenished. Cause I'm also doing the things that I love, that light me up, that fill my cup. Good sleep, good rest, good exercise. I'm not doing more or efforting more than I need to. I'm constantly checking in. I'm doing my check and balance. I'm checking my output with my input.
[00:01:01] Hey there. Welcome to the Fearlessly Curious Podcast, your safe space. Listen, lean in and learn the diversity of human experiences through the lens of fearless curiosity. When we learn more about each other, we also learn more about ourselves. How? Because when we listen to each other's curiosities and experiences, we relate to that which is in common, and that which sets us apart, gives us something to reflect on. We learn through and with each other. I'm grateful to you, the global community, for your curious questions. The Fearlessly Curious Podcast cannot exist without you.
[00:01:48] Welcome to another episode of the Fearlessly Curious Podcast, and this week I wanna have a little chat about work life balance versus work-life integration. We hear this a lot. How do we balance work and life? How do we get the priorities in the right place when it comes to what we have to do for work in order to earn a living, in order to pay our bills and cover our financial responsibilities alongside ensuring that we live life?
[00:02:25] Also, embodying and practising and inviting things that fill us up, things that light us up, things that fill us with joy, things that inspire and keep us motivated, things that enrich us, things that nourish not just our minds, but our bodies on a physical level, and also our soul, our spirit level.
[00:02:45] That which enriches and nourishes us on a heart level emotionally too. It's so easy to get caught up in the responsibility of life, the drudgery of life, what that often pans out as being we get so worried about the uncertainty of you not having a salary and creating that balance. And the thing is, the key isn't the language that we use.
[00:03:10] So we talk about the word balance. So what does balance look and feel like to you? If you imagine a playground. I only know it is called a seesaw. Another word for seesaw. Let's see, teeter totter. I see that some people call it a teeter totter, a teeter board. I know it as a seesaw. In other words, it's a long narrow board supported by a single pivot point.
[00:03:36] Most commonly in the midpoint of a long plank, and we sit at either end of it. Now, when you put equal weight on both sides, we get what we call balance. It's like when you walk a tightrope and you don't fall off. You need to have your balance. The thing about being balanced is that it represents stillness.
[00:03:57] There is no movement in that. So even when we use the word balance of work-life balance, it's working against that which is actually healthy for us. To be balanced suggests stillness, suggests stability, but when we are balanced, we're not moving. And to try and create a non-movement in life, which is constantly moving, is conflicting.
[00:04:24] So work-life integration is far more realistic and as a language comes into play, it makes more sense. If we're focusing on the language and we say work-life balance, where you are looking for a stationary position, we're actually looking to create stagnancy and stillness. No wonder there's conflict in that.
[00:04:45] It's impossible to be still in life because life is always moving. The world is always moving. We literally preferred rock from the sun earth. A planet that is revolving around the sun. It's always moving and apart from revolving around the sun, the planet itself is revolving on an axis. So even when we think we're still and not moving, we are.
[00:05:07] So you might say, oh, Melissa you're being pedantic. Yes, I am being pedantic. Language is everything. The language that we use creates the reality that we live. So I want you to reflect on the language that you're using, the language that's put out there in the world, when we talk about work-life balance is totally unrealistic.
[00:05:24] Let's explore work life integration instead. To integrate something is to embody, it's to live it, it's to be beyond the mind. It's also about being connected with life itself. So when we're looking at work life integration, we're constantly being aware of what is needed at the moment. Now if I'm heavily, heavily focused on work and I'm in scarcity mode and focused on bringing in the money to support my lifestyle, to pay my bills, there is a tension.
[00:05:57] There is a stress that exists there because then I'm worried about the next paycheck or I'm concerned about the next paycheck, and I'm connected and tapped into a perception of needing to work. There's another word: work. Those of you who are used to being around me will know that I do not subscribe to the word work.
[00:06:13] I don't believe that we are here to work. I feel that that has a very heavy energy behind it. We need to work in order to deserve something, in order to earn something. If you ask any child, does any child wanna work? I know I don't wanna work. I wanna live in a life where I don't have to work for things.
[00:06:35] Yes, I can still value something without having to work on it. They say put the work in. The word effort resonates with me in a more constructive and inspirational way. Yes, I'm willing to put the effort in in order to get some output, but do I need to do the work? I'm not sure I would, I definitely would prefer to play my way to success.
[00:06:58] I definitely would prefer to have fun putting effort into something in order to acquire, in order to achieve an outcome. And so when we look at work life integration, the first place I would look at is how I perceive work and how I perceive life. We often become a slave to our work because that is a means of us earning a living, gaining monetary compensation for work..
[00:07:27] And that allows us to live the lifestyle that we need, we require. Pay the bills, put food on the table, pay the rent, take care of our kids, take care of our dependents. And so we become slaves to that. And how does that feel, to be the slave to something, to have to work hard for something?
[00:07:44] I don't know about you, but it doesn't feel good for me. The more I've explored that, the more I have changed my language around things rather than becoming a slave to something. I need to work hard for something. I'd rather have something that works for me. So if I know that I have an opportunity to work in a job, work to put effort in a job, in a role, in a position, in order for me to earn that salary, I'd rather approach it from a perspective of gratitude.
[00:08:14] I'm so grateful there's an opportunity for me to focus my effort into something and be paid accordingly. And that payment affords me, allows me to live a certain lifestyle. That payment allows me to take care of my financial responsibilities. So I wanna make that job, that role work for me, and I can bring more ease and grace and joyfulness into it when I can make that work for me rather than work for it.
[00:08:45] It's a very different energy. It's bringing a very different nuance, a different approach to your job. So rather than working for it, it is working for me, I'm gonna make it work for me. Everything starts with my attitude. Everything starts with my language. Shifting that perspective right there, I'm gonna say it again.
[00:09:05] Instead of me working for it, I'm gonna make it work for me. I'm gonna leverage on my skill set. Somebody, some institution, some organisation values the effort, my effort, my time. It's gonna pay me for my effort and my time. That's a wonderful gift. So rather than feel like it's ugh, drudgery, ah, I have to do this in order to earn a living, I'm gonna think, wow, I get to do this and somebody's gonna pay me to do this.
[00:09:33] I'm gonna make it work for me. By pouring gratitude, by pouring appreciation into it, and by bringing not just positive attitude towards it, but an attitude of collaboration that when I bring inspiration and motivation and my unique energy to this, I allow it to work for me. And that allowance of it working for me creates an opportunity to live life the way I would like to.
[00:10:03] It takes care of certain securities that I require so that I can then create space within my life to do the things that fill me with joy. It gives me the opportunity to explore life, to play a little bit more, to do the things that I wouldn't normally be paid for. It allows me to indulge, to access, to adventure, to explore, to create, to collaborate in a playground that is free.
[00:10:38] So work-life integration. Some principles that I've covered, there are some different perspectives to approach work, first of all, and how work fits in your life. You're not doing the work. You are allowing the work to be done for you, or you are allowing things to work for you. And integration. Why is it integration rather than balance?
[00:11:00] I think that when we're looking for balance, we're looking for stillness. As I mentioned earlier, when I'm integrating it, I'm constantly being aware of what feels right for me right now. Like I know I have a job to do. I know I have a deadline to meet, but I also know that I'm tired, that I'm exhausted, that I'm burnt out, that I'm hyper-focusing on one project, like one minor detail, and because I'm hyper-focusing on that, I am not taking care of my health.
[00:11:26] My mental health, my emotional health. I'm not taking care of my sleep, my diet, because I'm hyper focusing on the fact that I need to get this done right now. But when I get very clear on where my boundaries are, like how much work, how much effort I can put in, how much I am pouring from an empty cup.
[00:11:45] Then I get to recalibrate, rebalance, and that can only come from a place of integration because integration means it's embodied. And being embodied means I feel it. I'm connected to it. I know what my needs are. I know that despite how much I need to push hard and put effort in, in order to acquire a certain output or outcome, because I'm connected to my body, I might feel right now I don't have the energy.
[00:12:11] I'm worn out. Because I am doing too much of what needs my work and not enough of what fills my cup and what fills me with joy. So work life balance versus work life integration. When I'm looking for balance, I'm looking for stillness in a loop that is constantly moving. And so there's the conflict right there.
[00:12:35] But if I shift and I look for work-life integration, then I'm embodied, then I'm constantly aware and connected to how I can make things work for me and how I can live my life in a way where when I'm efforting in something, I'm putting the effort in and drawing from a full cup, a cup that is constantly being replenished.
[00:12:58] Cause I'm also doing the things that I love, that light me up, that fill my cup. Good sleep, good rest, good exercise. I'm not doing more or trying more than I need to. I'm constantly checking in. I'm doing my check and balance. I'm checking my output with my input. Let me know what your thoughts are around work life balance and work life integration.
[00:13:27] I know that it is a journey and sometimes we need to hit our edge, even go into burnout in order to wake up and realise that we've gone too far. I, for one, for a long time at the end of 2022, felt that I was very close to burnout. I had this awareness and I thought, I'm gonna pull back soon. I'm gonna cut soon.
[00:13:49] I just need to do this. I just need to work harder on this to get it all out quicker. Because the quicker, the more effort, the more work I put in, the quicker it'll get done. And then the sooner I can go and do the things that I love to do, replenish myself because I was looking for balance. I was not connected to the present moment.
[00:14:08] And feeling the integration, the embodiment, taking stock of where I am right now and what I need to do right now. Now I'm a freelancer, so I'm in control of my time. Some of you who work a nine to five job or have an employer may feel that you have some restrictions, but this is where your self-awareness and your inner power comes to play.
[00:14:30] Once you know what you need, once you can connect to the moment, listen to what your needs are, you will find a way to effectively and consciously communicate these needs to your employers, to your manager. You'll let them know that you are committed to that job, that role. You are committed to efforting, to putting effort into that project.
[00:14:53] But right now, in order to maximise that effort, you need to take time to replenish. Some of you might say, that's easier said and done. The thing is, if you don't try it, you'll never know. And once you try it, then you create a deeper connection with either your employer or your managers, or maybe you don't.
[00:15:13] Maybe you come to realise that if this person, if this organisation doesn't respect and honour my needs and allow me to honour my needs so that I can be more effective, efficient, and more committed to the output of this company, then perhaps this is not the place for me because I need to value myself.
[00:15:34] You need to value yourself in order for others to value you. So please, please take that risk. Because the risk isn't in the money that you lose or the job that you lose. The risk is the detrimental and destructive effect that overworking, that not having that work life integration will have on your life, your lifestyle, because it will impact your mental health and your emotional wellness, which in the long run will affect the quality of life that you lead.
[00:16:09] So here are some thoughts. I've just thrown them out there. My process of thinking, you might need to listen to this back, look out for some of these social posts that's gonna come on here.
[00:16:17] Cause I will draw out some points and you know, this is how I roll. Right. Some of you noticed when I was recording the podcast off a script, it was very stagnant. It was very static. It was very jarring. This is how I roll. I roll on the fly. I let the thoughts rush out of me, flow through me without thought, without preparation, per se.
[00:16:36] The only thing I'm preparing right now is this concept of do I want to explore work-life balance? Am I looking for work-life balance, which essentially means stillness within a constantly moving dynamic, which is gonna cause conflict, or would I rather explore work-life integration where I look at where I can put my effort in, how I can make my job work for me with the right amount of effort?
[00:17:03] And being able to put effort into my life that comes from a full cup and not constantly drawing from an empty cup that's gonna wear me out, burn me out, overwhelm me and affect and have an impact on my mental health and my emotional wellness. And then how do I then communicate these needs that I might have as it's moving and it's changing with an ever-evolving world and life?
[00:17:30] How do I communicate this to my managers, to my boss, right? Even maybe my staff, if I'm a founder or an entrepreneur and I'm the one that's in the lead. How do I communicate with this so that we can all work together through the different ebbs and flows of life? And what is stopping me from communicating this?
[00:17:47] Am I afraid I'm gonna lose respect? Am I afraid I'm going to lose my salary, lose my job even? And what does that mean to me? Am I constantly abandoning my needs and my requirements in order to stay safe, but at the risk of losing my health? Or am I willing to speak my truth so that the right people, the right team members, the right leaders, the right bosses, and the right opportunities come to me?
[00:18:17] And those are the ones that respect my mental health and my emotional wellness. Am I willing to put myself first in this way? So there's a lot here. Work-life balance, work-life integration, and how that can impact the quality of your life through your mental health and your emotional well-being. I look forward to sharing with you some more perspectives in the next episode, but in the meantime, my friends remember that being fearlessly curious allows you to become more aware of the way that you are living your life.
[00:18:52] Allows you to become more aware of what your needs are, what your desires are, and how you can go about honouring those desires so that you can create a life that is filled with more joy and more fulfilment, but a life that is also led by your unique design. A life that is embodied by you showing up as you so that other people who are aligned with you, other businesses, other opportunities that are aligned with who you are, can show up for you to collaborate with.
[00:19:23] This is not about you fitting in. This is about you living, your purpose of being you because there is no one else in the world like you. And if you keep abandoning yourself, then the wisdom of your unique life experience will be lost forever. Nobody else can live life by your design other than you. That's your greatest purpose.
[00:19:42] So be curious, step into that journey of incredible self-awareness. Experience it so you know what feels right and what doesn't. So that you can create more of what feels right and let go of all that doesn't to live life with fearless authenticity. Until the next episode, my friends, stay fearlessly curious.
[00:20:08] If you want more, make sure to subscribe so you never miss a new episode every Friday. And please leave a review if you enjoy this episode. Don't forget to send me your curious questions and experiences as inspiration for future episodes. Your anonymity will be respected. If that's what you prefer. For more guidance and support, join my emotional healing, mindfulness and music community over at melissaindot.com. See you next week.
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