EP.03- Making Time For Self-Reflection

Why am I doing this? Who am I doing this for? 

In life, we are always conditioned to set goals and reach for those goals. But how many of you actually stop, reflect and celebrate when you reach those goals?

It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, but it is important that you remember your wins. No matter how small they might be! 

So in this episode, I want to encourage you to slow down, make time for yourself, and help you realize how contemplation and self-reflection is key for living life on your terms.

TRANSCRIPT

Okay, so in this episode I wanna talk about why it's really important to make time for self-reflection. I wanna share a little story with you. So earlier this week, there was one morning where I woke up. I woke myself up because I was crying. Imagine that, waking up because of your own tears. I woke up, I was crying. I was kind of sobbing actually. I was grasping for breath, and I felt this overwhelming sadness running through my body as these tears were streaming down my face and my pillow was damp. I was huddled up in sort of fetus mode and kind of a survival mode position and really shaken. 

And when I caught my breath and the tears finally subsided, I sat up in bed and I put my hand on my heart and I really tuned in and asked myself, why are you crying? Are you sad? And the answer was no. Are you tired? And the answer was also, no. So what is it? I asked myself and the answer I got really shocked me.

The answer I received was, I'm failing. You're not getting anywhere in life, Melissa. You're not making any impact. You're just not doing anything that has any worth of value and the dreams that you have also don't have any value. You are not getting any closer to realizing them, so why are you even bothering?

And of course this led me to a space of reflection. I continued to be fearlessly curious. I leaned in. It was uncomfortable, but I wanted to know why I was feeling like such a failure. And that's because so much of my conditioning, and I'm wondering whether you feel the same way too. I see it actually everywhere around me.

We are conditioned to set goals and go for those goals. Yeah, that's great. Have ambition, have inspiration, have motivation, have a goal, have a dream to move towards. 

But how many of you actually, when you achieve your goal, rather than just take it off your list and go on to the next goal, how many of you actually stop and celebrate it? 

How many of you celebrate your wins? How many of you look at your goal and say, wow once upon a time this goal felt unreachable. This was six months ago when this goal was just an idea. And here I am standing at the goal post, having reached this goal and let me look back and see what I had to go through in order to attain this, achieve this, acquire this, and I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back. Or even better, I'm gonna celebrate this moment. I'm gonna take myself out for dinner. I'm gonna buy myself a gift. I'm just going to spend a few moments owning this space with pride and I wanna be loving and grateful to myself and all the people who supported me in getting here. How many of you do that?

Because I know I don't. I know it's all about the to-do list, and I know that when I reach a goal, I take it off and I move on to the next thing. You see we've been conditioned that way because we're babies and the goal is to crawl. It's not our goal but it's an unconscious goal of our parents, our caregivers, who are waiting for us to take that first crawl. That first step, that first word and then we get into school, and then we graduate kindergarten, and we get into primary school, and then we graduate primary school. And then what's next? It's secondary school. And then we graduate secondary school or high school, depending where you are and then it's time to go to college right. 

And our goal is to do well at school, pass our exams, get the grades so that we can up level to the next space, college, university, then when we've got through university, we wanna get that job right and when we get that job, we wanna get that promotion. 

Or maybe it's to meet the partner to get married and then get that mortgage and own our first house, buy our first car, have our first kid. And it's always on and on to the next thing, that's what we're conditioned to do. 

How many of you create time and space in your life to stop first to celebrate the amount of effort and commitment it took to achieve these goals? And secondly, far more importantly, how many of you ask yourself why? Why am I doing this? Why am I going to school? That's gonna raise some eyebrows to some people listening, I know. Why am I going to university? Why aren't I doing something else? Why am I in this job? Why am I going for that promotion? Why am I choosing to get married? Why do I want to rent a house? Why do I even wanna buy a house?

Why do I want to be at a fixed address? Am I doing these things because I'm told I should do it? Because that's what everybody else is doing? Because that's what I'm told is the right way to live? Or can I and will I live my authentic way? Take risks and what's a risk anyway? It's about doing something you can't be guaranteed the outcome of. 

Well, let's face it folks, nothing in life is guaranteed. In fact, there's only two things we're guaranteed of, and one of them we laugh about. We're guaranteed that we're gonna have taxes, and we're also guaranteed that we're going to die. Yeah, we're gonna die. All of us. Nobody's getting out of here alive. So please make time, build time into your lifestyle to reflect, to check in every day.

First of all, to celebrate the fact that you got out of bed, that you made your bed, that you showed up for yourself today, or maybe that you didn't show up for yourself today so that you know what it is you don't want to do, so that you can focus on the stuff that you do want to do. But also to pour gratitude into yourself for showing up, for getting through the hard stuff for navigating life.

And the third point is to ask yourself, why am I doing this? Who am I doing this for? When you live your life on autopilot, according to somebody else's system, and not for you, you're not feeding your own joy. And so self-reflection gives you the opportunity to check in, to contemplate, to reflect, to review, and to celebrate your wins. 

Now, why is it important to celebrate your wins? All wins, not just the big ones, but all wins. And that means giving yourself credit for your resilience, for your focus, for your commitment.

This is so important because when you celebrate your wins, you acknowledge that you are living proof that you can achieve everything that you set your mind and heart to. You are living proof, you are evidence of everything that you are looking for, everything that you are dreaming for, that going for your dreams and transforming them into a reality is possible.

And this is what contemplation and self-reflection gives you. Self-reflection is key for living life on your terms for your highest benefit. And why is it important to live for your highest benefit? Because only you can live life your way and that wisdom that you gain from living life your way will be lost, if you live life somebody else's way. 

It is your responsibility to live with fearless authenticity, and the only way we get to live with fearless authenticity is when we lean into our fearless curiosity and we check in to ask ourselves, Why am I doing this? Am I doing this because it's right for me? Am I doing this because I think I should be doing it?

Whatever the answer is, tune in, get clear, be focused, and be aware. Awareness is your key to freedom and your key to joy. Stay fearlessly curious! Until the next one.

Resources:

If you enjoy this episode, please rate the show on Spotify or leave a review on Apple Podcasts. 

Don’t forget to subscribe to the Fearlessly Curious podcast to get notifications of new episodes every Friday at melissaindot.com/podcast. 

About Me:

I help women lead with fearless authenticity by smashing the self-imposed heteronormative stereotypes that keep you playing small through emotional healing inner child and inherited intergenerational trauma. Create a purposeful life of your unique design by disrupting societal norms and expectations of who you should be. Explore mindfulness, fearless curiosity and loving kindness through the lens of Human Design to thrive as the person you are born to be.

Learn more about my coaching method and join my emotional healing, mindfulness, and music community at melissaindot.com.