EP.01 - Overcoming a Devastating Loss

What is the point of life? Why am I here? 

In our first episode, I would like to share my life story and emotional healing journey from the devastating experience of losing my loved ones. 

I’ll also share how I used music as my anchor during those dark times, why I call myself a professional misfit, and how your fearless curiosity can   transform you to become the most honest version of yourself .

I hope this episode brings you comfort and inspiration to break through those stereotypical norms that keep you from thriving as the great person you were born to be. 

TRANSCRIPT

Hi, I'm Melissa, founder of Intuitive Music Programming, award-winning recording artist, singer songwriter, and transformational emotional healing life coach. I'm Malaysian born and I've spent half my life living in the United Kingdom. I am a self proclaimed professional misfit.

Life has brought me magnificent love as well as devastating loss, which activated it sort of ignited this fierce fire of fearless curiosity within me, and that was when the seed for this podcast was born. And thus began my adventure of a lifetime. 

I asked myself, what is the point of life exactly after experiencing a tragic death? The death of my beloved father and the death of my beloved soulmate, and having the privilege to walk that very tender and vulnerable line of preparing for the end of life with them, once they had both passed on. 

I asked the proverbial question: “What is the point of life? Why am I here?” That led me to take a deep, deep, deep dive into various topics and subjects - psychology, philosophy, spirituality, shamanism, meditation, and mindfulness are just a few of the topics that I developed an insatiable appetite for.

During this journey, music has been my best friend, holding me together as my beliefs as the beliefs that I have built around me, that have defined who I am, as well as my life crumbled right in front of me. Music was my anchor to hold me steady and strong as everything else around me broke down. 

I discovered that my life is beautiful and blessed as it is in so many areas and places. Had also been a culmination of people pleasing practices, overthinking habits, perfectionism, self, abandonment, and mindlessness. 

It was my fearless curiosity that guided me back to myself. It was my fearless curiosity that cut through the noise that helped me lift the veil of illusion, from these identities and these narratives and beliefs that were keeping me from showing up as the truest, most honest version of who I am born to be.

My whole life, I never, ever felt like I belonged anywhere. I often felt awkward. In fact, I felt like a misfit. And whilst this caused me to shrink myself, to mute my voice, to hide and mask my creativity, it also offered me the gift of honoring my inner introvert. Being a misfit is something that I grew to love. 

Through my fearlessly curious journey and the stories that I've gathered from women of all ages in diverse cultures, I am aware of deep systemic conditioning that exists in this world. Many women like me and you, and the women in your life and your community, are programmed to abandon the YOUest version of you in order to be the woman the system expects you to be in order to fit into the very same system that wasn't even created for you. 

Its reach covers our childhood, our home life, our economics, our careers, relationships, and our rights as women. The reach of this system runs through our veins. We have inherited this conditioning from our mother. Our grandmothers, our great grandmothers, and the many generations that have walked before us before we were even born.

So many of these beliefs around what it means to be a woman and what our place is in this world as a woman has already been laid before us. From jobs to gender, to motherhood and money, and so I feel the fearlessly curious emotional healing journey that we can choose to step into is something that is much needed, not just for women like you and me, like your mother, like your sister, like your best friend, but for the whole of humanity.

Let's be clear, this is not about knocking the system. This is about allowing your fearless curiosity to lead you back to truth and the part you have to play in honoring it. 

So here in the Fearlessly Curious podcast, you will find honest and open personal shares from me as well as many other women leaders, women change makers, and regular women like you and me, sharing their personal stories to inspire, to motivate and to connect us. To connect us with our deepest truth that exists beyond and within, beyond and before the conditioning and programming that has taken us so far away from who we are born to be. 

The purpose of this podcast, the purpose of me showing up here is to create a safe space for us to share our stories with the intention to spark awareness and fearless curiosity.

Sexuality, sensuality, creativity, death, addiction, sobriety, end of life, fear, love, compassion, forgiveness, diversity, unity, inclusion, accessibility, accountability, healing, the inner child, intergenerational healing, living your dream, mindful living, conscious community and reparenting are just some of the topics we will cover together.

Yes, I have been a rebel my life, a rebel who chose to carve out an independent life at the age of 19. I left home for a life in London, England and I opted out of university and went straight to work. Yes, I've stacked shelves. Yes, I've worked my way up from being an accounts clerk to being a management accountant. And yes, I studied for my certification in accounting at night school whilst working in the day a nine to five job and pursuing my music career, which was my dream. 

Yes, my music partner was also my life partner at the time, in the early nineties while I was in my early twenties. And yes, it was turbulent and intense and all kinds of crazy and wonderful.

I was outed. My choice of sexuality was declared publicly to my community and my society without my permission. And that was what catalyzed my choice to claim my full independence. That path led me to become a caretaker to a narcissist for 10 years, the very woman I claimed to be the love of my life. I dealt with her alcoholism and multiple phobias, as well as panic attacks that resulted in many visits to the emergency room.

I've walked the path of an award-winning singer songwriter and recording artist both in the UK and Malaysia. I heard my songs played on national radio. My colorful life includes being a cancer caregiver, preparing loved ones for end of life, alcoholism, drug addiction, sobriety, recovery, healing, intergenerational trauma, embodiment, and everything in between.

I'm also a certified life coach, and I use all the experiences that life has gifted me and continues to gift me as rich fodder to support you in creating an intentional purpose filled, passionate and sustainable life. A life where you thrive, being you, the person you were born to be with fearless authenticity.

But how do we get there? How do we get there is we lean into our natural ability to be curious, fearlessly curious. The curiosity that we get to witness in young children before we as adults rip this natural ability from them. 

This is the reason why I am creating the Fearlessly Curious podcast so that I may share the wisdom of my life's experience with the intention to hold space, encourage, inspire, motivate, and guide those of you out there who are fearlessly curious yourself and how who desire to break through these stereotypical norms that you know are keeping you from thriving as the great woman, great person who you were born to be. 

Because let's face it, not giving an F about people's opinions is liberating. I've never been one for the conventional that's about playing safe. And playing safe gives you a false sense of security because playing safe means denying yourself the freedom to express, to discover, to explore, and to be the version of you that nobody else can be.

I've never been one to fit in. I'm super emotional. I'm hypersensitive. I'm very intense, and I love to go deep. I don't fit in. Why? Because I'm not meant to just like you, and sometimes I get anxious. And I get anxious because I start comparing myself to others, and I'm wondering why is it that I'm so different because I allow myself to overthink things, to make these comparisons, to minimize myself, to change who I am in order to fit in, in order to be accepted by others, when really the most important thing is for me to be able to accept myself. 

I am untamed, I am radical, and I am fiercely mischievous. So this place is for you, to be untamed, to be radical, and to be mischievous, to be fearlessly curious in the exploration and discovery of who you were born to be. 

After all, why fit in? When you can stand out being uniquely you, in your reserved or gregarious nature, whatever it's labeled as by other people is needed because only you, only you can bring the magic of your wisdom into the world your way. 

If people don't like you, for you, it's a wonderful natural filter to make space for all the people who will celebrate you, people like me. So you've got this and I've got you and together, let's lean in, let's listen and learn these diversity of human experiences and the wealth of wisdom they have to offer. 

As we learn to understand, to be enriched by each other's stories, we also learn more about ourselves. We learn with each other and through each other.

Resources:

If you enjoy this episode, please rate the show on Spotify or leave a review on Apple Podcasts. 

Don’t forget to subscribe to the Fearlessly Curious podcast to get notifications of new episodes every Friday at melissaindot.com/podcast. 

About Me:

I help women lead with fearless authenticity by smashing the self-imposed heteronormative stereotypes that keep you playing small through emotional healing inner child and inherited intergenerational trauma. Create a purposeful life of your unique design by disrupting societal norms and expectations of who you should be. Explore mindfulness, fearless curiosity and loving kindness through the lens of Human Design to thrive as the person you are born to be.

Learn more about my coaching method and join my emotional healing, mindfulness, and music community at melissaindot.com.